Transcript
Occasionally, the idea of going to the VA would cross my mind,
but I would immediately dismiss it because I had a job,
I have a good income, I have all my arms and my legs
and my vision, and I don't have any battle wounds.
The way I always feel, and I'm sure other Veterans
feel the same way, that, you know,
no, there's somebody who's always got it worse than me.
I was scared to say anything -- especially to my family,
but also to doctors -- because I was scared
that they were going to say I was crazy.
It's hard to admit when you have it, it's very hard.
I mean, you don't want to admit it because you sound like,
it's like a sign of weakness.
You're not strong enough, you're not made for this,
cannot handle stress.
Be a man, stop whining, just do your thing.
Get a job, get married, you'll be all right.
Well, that's not what happens.
You know, I tried all of them,
and I lost them all because of my illness.
I think there's a stigma attached to it,
and there is still this stigma.
For me, it's still feeling like I'm not a real Marine
because I was discharged for a medical reason.
What kept me from going into the VA and seeking treatment
initially was my fear that the VA would be
affiliated with the military
and that some of my negative military experiences
would reappear with my VA experiences.
I was very afraid of the chauvinism.
I'm glad that I got into treatment when I did
because otherwise I'd probably be a lot worse off,
at the bottom of a whisky bottle somewhere
without any connections in this world.
I probably would have alienated and
completely burned every bridge with everyone I know.
It was hard to admit I needed help,
but it was the most courageous thing I ever did.