Transcript
I just kept telling myself I was OK,
and it was OK, and I was going to be fine.
And I would have two good days and then a bad day.
And then three good days and two bad days.
And I just kept waiting for it to stop.
I kept waiting for it to go away.
And I knew I couldn't have PTSD because
there were so many people who had gone through
more than I had gone through, who had had
firsthand experience of things that were horrific
in comparison to what I experienced.
So I couldn't possibly have PTSD because I didn't
deserve to have PTSD, and how dare I try and get help
when there are so many people who needed it more than I did.
And I just kept telling myself that what I was feeling wasn't
important enough or big enough or valid enough
to deserve the help.
And I did that for probably about a year.
I just kept saying it wasn't enough.
And I still have my days when I think,
"I don't have PTSD, I don't have PTSD."
And I have a psychiatrist who tells me I do, I've had three
therapists who've said it, I know my medication helps me,
and I still don't want to believe it, I still don't want to
accept it, I still don't feel like what I did was big enough
to have been impacted in the way I've been impacted.