Transcript
I got home that evening.
It was a Sunday night and they had a program
on called Trapper John, M.D. and the storyline was
about a nurse that had PTSD.
And as I looked at it in my drunken state of mind, I said,
"I can't deal with this anymore."
I went and got a 12-gauge shotgun and came back
to the living room, still having the TV on, deciding that because
of my survivor guilt, my own emotional turmoil and feelings,
I would be better off not being here.
But I worked as a paramedic on an ambulance and I saw a guy
that had tried to commit suicide and he blew his face off
with a 12-gauge and I said, "This is crazy."
And I sat there thinking, "I gotta be nuts.
I fought like hell to live."
I said, "Something's wrong, I need help."
Pardon me.
I called my brother who lived here in St. Louis
and I told him, I said, "I need you to come get me.
I'm too drunk to drive."
Where he took me, they happened
to have the best treatment facility here in this region.
And I wound up being admitted through the Emergency Room
and they said, "Why are you here?"
And I said, "For you to tell me."
I said, "That's my question why am I here."
I said, "I'm either a drunk or I'm crazy,
and somebody's gotta tell me which one
so I can deal with it."