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My soul was stained

Emma Shinn thought that the acts she committed in Iraq had “stained” her soul. Treatment helped her to see her own value, and to re-engage with the world.

Transcript

(mellow instrumental music)

[Shinn]
I lived with PTSD

as an overriding

fixture of my life
for 11 years.

My PTSD symptoms
presented themselves

in withdrawal, isolation,
depression, and nightmares.

My own sense of self
was that I was broken,

that I was flawed.

And that no matter
what I did,

there was no way to
overcome what I felt

were very shameful and
guilt-ridden acts in Iraq.

And so, I felt that it
stained my soul.

And that it made it so
that I was unlovable.

Not worthy of people's
time or attention.

(melancholy music)

(dark tones)

When I started therapy,
I started it at the

end of November, beginning
of December of 2015.

(clinking)

(somber notes)

By February,
I was starting

to feel a little
bit better.

(lighter notes)

By March, I was feeling
a lot better.

But I think my last
combat-related nightmare

was early days of April,
2016.

(slap)

(soft piano music)

It feels like I am
good again.

That I'm able to recognize
the good in the world,

and also recognize the
good in myself.

My life is richer, I have
connections with people,

where I didn't feel
that connection before.

That feeling of
connectiveness allows me

to interact with others
in a meaningful way.

(chatter)

I feel therapy 100% got
me to that place

where I needed to be.

That makes all the
difference.

(chatter)

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