Transcript
I felt as if I was a burden to my family.
I felt as if, with every breath that I took,
I was punishing them.
And I knew that I needed to die.
So in mid-December of the year that I came back from Iraq,
I almost killed myself.
The only reason that I didn't
is because my mind was thinking logically.
And I was putting up reasons,
I was thinking of reasons why I should kill myself,
and they all seemed valid to me.
And I was then thinking of reasons that I shouldn't,
and none of them seemed valid.
Until a picture of one of our sons came into my head.
If you know anything about suicide,
if someone that you love commits
or has a death by suicide,
that's a barrier that's then removed.
And in my mind, I believed that if I committed suicide,
so would my son, at some point.
And I didn't do it, I didn't do it at that moment.
That night, when I was in bed with my husband,
I started to cry, I started to sob.
I don't normally do that.
My husband grabbed ahold of me,
he pulled me in his arms, he held me,
and he said, "Penny, it will be ok.
I'll take care of you."
And when he said that, the floodgates opened.
I was able to release a lot of what was inside of me.
I started telling him how I was feeling,
I started telling him what I had planned,
what I was going to do.
And we actually got help immediately after that.
We went to the VA, and we saw the individuals
in the OIF/OEF department,
and we went to the Vet Center.
And I've been seeing my psychologist ever since.