Transcript
(gentle music)
Does mindfulness help?
Absolutely.
But there's days where
my PTSD can be full blown
and my mindfulness is not gonna help me.
(gentle music continues)
Originally when I went into the military,
I was a corpsman serving
with a Marine Corps unit.
They call you their doc.
Nobody messes with a
Marine Corps unit's doc.
The amount of stress that you
have in there is tremendous.
I have one of my brothers
or one of my sisters
laying out there bleeding,
I'm gonna run out there
and I'm gonna do whatever
I need to save them.
And half that time,
you're also firing back
if you have to fire back
and you're trying to drag
them out of harm's way.
I felt traumatized,
but also the other aspect of it
was dealing with some of
my military sexual trauma.
I shared that with one
of my superior officers,
but what she ended up doing was far worse
than what happened in the shower.
She was holding my
evaluations above my head
and saying, "you're gonna do what I want."
(somber music)
I'm of Vietnamese descent.
Left Vietnam on April 30, 1975,
the last plane out of
Tan Son Nhat Airport.
There weren't supposed to
be bearing any kids out,
but because I was so small,
my mom could hide me in her jacket.
My joining the military
was definitely a way of
honoring the sacrifices
that everybody made.
But the military let me down.
I could not trust my chain of command.
I could not trust anybody.
I was all like, "I'm getting out of it.
Enough's enough."
My mental state when I left the military
was not good at all.
(somber music continues)
I was drinking a lot when I got back
and having nightmares at
night when I was sleeping.
I was cussing and screaming,
kicking, punching,
had thoughts about demons,
had moments where I contemplated suicide.
(somber music continues)
My mom didn't really know how to help me.
Within the Asian culture,
it's always about saving face.
So how are you gonna come
out to your dad or your mom
and tell them, "I was sexually assaulted"?
So the only thing my mom knew
was to hold onto her Buddhist faith.
And my mom reminded me that
before I left for the military,
I received my Buddhist name
called Strength of the Heart.
That led to me seeking help
from my Buddhist teacher
and I decided to join the monastery
and I ended up staying
for 15 years as a monk.
(gentle music)
I still have PTSD symptoms,
especially if I'm driving.
That will set off my PTSD,
especially when I start feeling
that I'm getting boxed in.
(traffic noise crescendos)
(bell chiming quietly)
And I didn't really seek
treatment in the VA system
until about 2017.
One of the modalities was the
prolonged exposure therapy
and the first couple of times,
it was severely excruciating
because I had to retell
everything over again,
but it tremendously helped me.
It helped me to open up to my fiancee
and actually tell her what happened
and that was the first time
that I ever told anyone
besides my therapist.
It's no longer a skeleton in the closet
or baggage that I have to carry.
(bright music)
Now I'm a person that is thriving,
a person that is moving
around in the world
with PTSD symptoms
that I now have tools and
ways to be able to manage it.
My Buddhist practice helps me ground,
but the evidence-based therapy also helps
because it helps you
unlock feelings, emotions,
so I think both of those go hand-in-hand.
(bright music continues and fades)