[The MST] affected me much more than I ever thought it did.

I used to belittle what happened

to me back when I was in the service

with that sexual assault,
because I'm like,

"I've seen so much worse than
what happened to me then."

Well, I can do that forever,
but it doesn't change the fact

that that affected me much more
than I ever thought it did.

It came out 30 years later
because I didn't deal with it.

I didn't deal with it then

and I've struggled to
deal with it ever since.

I do much better, but although
harder things have happened

to me in my life, that particular trauma,

at that particular time in
my life, at 18 years old,

did something to my
identity of being a person,

being a man, of...

just the time it happened.

I have to accept that
it had a huge impact.

I didn't want it to, I still
don't want it to, but it does.