Transcript
When I came back from Iraq,
I was not sure if I was
in good graces with God.
I was not feeling comfortable
and good on the inside morally
knowing what I have done.
I believe that I developed my
moral approach to the world
based off my parents
and the things
that they instilled
in us as kids.
I had a mom that kind
of kept us in church,
and always had God
as the cornerstone.
(gunshots firing)
When I was serving, I was
put in those positions
where I was forced to
take someone's life.
I had to shoot at
different buildings
that had multiple people in
it with our machine guns.
It was one of those like gut
wrenching type of feelings
where like it leads to
crying and you're struggling,
and you're sweating profusely.
There's a lot of tough things
that was going on internally,
mentally, emotionally,
physically, spiritually
that led to being in a
very dark depressive state,
wondering if I'm
all right with God,
if I'm okay-
How am I seen by my family.
And it always led to
outbursts, yelling, screaming.
It always led to
fighting, punching walls,
and it led to destructive
behaviors from myself.
I stayed in isolation from my
family for a very long time.
For close to seven
years, I worked 24/7
and staying busy kept
me away from doctors,
counselors, you name it.
But it all came crashing down.
I tried to take my life
at the bridge there
in Tampa, Florida,
but it was in that moment
where I did not wanna
give up on myself,
did not want to give
up on my family,
and I'm gonna decide
to fight for this.
That's when I said, I'm
gonna start seeking help
and try to figure
this thing out.
I went to the VA hospital
just so I could start creating
that healing path for myself
to identify some of these things
that's tied to your
moral injuries, the PTSD,
all these things that
surrounding mental health.
Plug myself into group therapy,
one of the best programs
that I've ever done.
I started to heal from my
moral injury first by accepting
the things that I'd done
while I was over there,
but understanding that,
that does not define me.
And that was through going
through different therapy
treatments to help me
actually see who I truly am,
and not associate
myself with that guilt
that I placed on myself.
I'm a loving person.
I'm a caring person.
I wanna see people
do well in life.
I come from a good
background where God
is always at the core.
From there, I just started
getting much more spiritually
in tune with my faith
and just understanding
that I'm not condemned
or I'm not judged
based off some of the things
that I did in my past.
My wife realized
that I was struggling
when it came to
our relationship,
when it came to being a dad.
And she brought it
to my attention that,
we needed help.
And so we got with a pastor,
we got with a couples
retreat group.
Going through those counseling,
that's what helped put our
relationship back together
and mending that
bond with our kids.
Well, we can't wait
to see you in December.
Yeah, I'm excited. I'm
very excited to come home.
So what are we doing
when we come-
I think we're doing lobsters.
- Lobster. Wow.
- We can do it up.
[Michael] And the biggest thing
when I knew that I had a change
in my life was when I
sat down with my kids
and giving them the backstory
in regards to some of the things
that I was suppressing
and dealing with.
And for them to accept
you and embrace you,
and tell you, Dad, it's
okay, Dad, we love you.
I think it's amazing.
I've come such a long way.
I'm writing books. I'm
speaking to people.
I'm getting on stages,
telling my story of
what I've been through,
some of the things that
I've done. Treatment worked.
I knew that I wanted to put
my family back together.
I knew that there was a
better version of Michael
who was out there. It was
just for me to go out there
and get it.