I would wake up and my heart would be pounding...

I would fall asleep, and that was fine,

but I would wake up at 4:30 in the morning.

And I would wake up and my heart would be pounding,

my breath would be shallow, my mind would immediately

take charge.

I really felt like I wasn't in charge of being able to relax.

And I had a meditation cushion, I had prayer books,

I had all kinds of things, all kinds of tools available to me,

and they weren't working.