I was still in such gross state of denial.

It was hard for me to come to realize

that I really did have a problem.

And even though I would go through certain programs,

I was still in such a gross stage of denial that,

you know, I just couldn't believe it.

"It's not happening to me, it couldn't happen to me."

Well, I'm the man, you know.

I'm tough, you know.

All this mental illness, Section 8 kind of stuff

didn't fit my self-image, if you will, in a most profound way.