I was so bad...I didn't want to do anything.

The main thing that kept me out of treatment was depression.

I was severely, severely depressed, I couldn't care less about

my life, about my wife, my kids, everything.

I was so bad that I didn't want to clean up,

I didn't want to get up, didn't want to go to bed.

I didn't want to do anything.

And so when my wife suggested, demanded

that I do something, at one point I couldn't care less.

"What's the use?

There is no future for me, there is no life beyond

this particular moment."

And that was probably one of the hardest things

and one of the things that kept me from doing anything,

was there was no motivation, none.