I was not engaging in any kind of relationships.

My entire squad, who I
would have deployed with,

actually, they all died

in one incident in a
roadside bomb in Iraq,

May 6th, 2007.

So because of that, I
felt extreme guilt.

I know it's illogical
that there's anything

that I could have done
as a 19 year old soldier

to change the
outcome of that.

But at the time, being 19,
20 years old,

I felt guilty that I
wasn't there.

Internally, I was not
engaging in any kind of

relationships.

I didn't allow myself.

I realized that I was not
allowing myself to

do anything.

I wasn't allowing
myself happiness,

I wasn't allowing myself
any kind of joy or peace.

I wasn't trying to move on.