I wanted to have a 20-plus year career.

I didn't know I had PTSD, initially.

I didn't even know what PTSD was.

When I was diagnosed with PTSD,

I didn't understand what that meant,

and I didn't want to understand what it meant,

especially if it meant that I was limited in some way.

Because it was in the beginning of my career,

shortly after I joined, two years, that I was diagnosed

with PTSD because of military sexual trauma.

And I wanted to have a 20-plus-year career

where I went all the way to Chief.

So, I didn't want to admit that

to my myself that I had PTSD

because I did not want it to impact my career whatsoever.

So, I guess you could say I found out early on

in my career that I had it, but I didn't want to face it.

And as a result of that, I chose to drink.

And those weren't good choices.