I never felt safe.

Looking back, I would definitely say

that self-medicating was a sign,

my hopelessness.

I had a fear of being safe.

Well, not a fear of being
safe, but I never felt safe.

I was also looking over my
shoulder and over my back.

I definitely had triggers
and nightmares going on

and I just never really knew what it was.

I remember waking up in the
middle of the night sometime

and just standing, looking around, afraid,

scared to death that
something was gonna happen.