I have a lot of guilt.

I have a lot of guilt for the people that didn't make it back,

or made it back in pieces, or had to come back without

people who they were brothers with and sisters with,

and that makes it hard for me to validate my own experience

because there are so many people that experienced worse,

but that doesn't mean that what I experienced

wasn't impossible.

I spent a year in a war zone.

People were trying to kill me, and I had to be prepared

to kill other people if necessary, and that isn't how

I was designed, I wasn't designed to do that as a human being,

I wasn't designed for that.

And it's OK that I'm not OK with that.

And I just have to keep telling myself that.