Transcript
- [Voiceover] My initial response to PE
after it was explained to me what it was was fear.
(laughs in disbelief) I can't believe you want me
to go through this again!
It's kind of like I had a closet.
I got a closet with a lock on there with emotions
that I'm really comfortable keepin' there.
And you dare to ask me to open that door.
I'm not prepared for what's gonna come out.
(sensitive music)
My experiences of Iraq had a severe impact
on how I dealt with the world when I returned.
It had a severe impact on how I interacted with my family
and (sighs) even trying to get work and sustaining work.
(melancholy music)
I acted out in ways that were not healthy.
I couldn't keep a job well.
My interactions were limited because I knew
I couldn't sustain relationships.
And I just got tired of wakin' up, sweating.
I got tired of being irritable with my wife and my children.
It was hard for me to engage with anyone that appeared
to be Middle Eastern.
My heart would palpitate.
Those feelings were hatred:
hatred, mistrust, just a lot of false thoughts.
Yeah, I looked at them as a insult to my country.
I looked at them as attackers.
(plaintive music)
I have parents.
My mother and father always taught me
that you should love everyone in accordance with the Bible.
So
for me to have this hatred and anger
for Middle Eastern people,
I didn't know what to do with that.
The only one I trusted really was my wife.
I would only go out with her.
And if we got separated,
I got sweaty palms, constant anxiety.
(tense music)
I felt horrible feeling that way.
It made me feel like my manhood was diminished.
I felt like my backbone was taken away.
I felt weak.
We live
in a hell if I could say it that way,
livin' in a hell that you're just not functioning at.
So I had to make a decision, which one you wanna live with,
takin' a chance on this PE and this treatment
and the medication or
continue hidin'.
It took a few weeks for me to make that decision.
But during that period of time, my life was fallin' apart.