I didn't want to do it.

So when my therapist asked me

to do cognitive processing therapy,

I knew what that entailed.

I knew that I would have to write down

all the intimate details of my assault.

I knew that I would have to share those intimate details

with her, and I didn't want to do it.

I told her she was crazy.

After going through therapy

I realized that my thinking was inappropriate.

My thinking was not accurate.

My thinking is what helps me today.

When I have a thought that comes in,

and I have an emotion,

if I'm feeling sad, or I'm feeling anxious,

I can take that emotion and I can evaluate it for accuracy.

Is that true?

Am I truly a horrible person?

Am I truly unworthy?

And I'll look at it, and I'll evaluate it,

and I'll come to an accurate thought,

and it allows me to take the walls down again

in a different way.

It allows me to

be a happy person,

have peace, have contentment.