Transcript
I would have never anticipated
going out and doing my job would result in me having PTSD.
I guess I always thought that I was stronger than that,
but you can't run from the crazy, is what I've learned.
My name is Stacy Pearsall, and I own
the Charleston Center for Photography, where I teach
young photographers and also seasoned photographers.
I also freelance around the world
doing editorial and photojournalism.
As a combat photographer, I saw a lot of extreme things.
I can't turn that back.
Unfortunately... unfortunately and fortunately, I got to document
one of the bloodiest battles in the war,
now known as the Battle for Baqubah.
From January until May, 118 soldiers died in Diyala Province.
I knew them in one way or another.
I think it was then I realized
how precious each moment I had with those guys was to me.
And then, as a photographer, feeling an ultimate responsibility
for taking portraits of each and every soldier I served with
because I wouldn't know if they weren't going to live through the day.
So I put a lot of responsibility on myself,
and it took its toll emotionally.
I didn't really acknowledge the symptoms of PTSD,
though they were happening.
I didn't eat, I didn't sleep.
I went from 150 pounds down to, like, 115.
I had a lot of anxiety.
I just couldn't turn it off.
By the time I left the military,
I began to withdraw from people quite a bit.
I was working myself to death, really,
because I felt like as long as I kept working,
then I didn't have to think about my friends who died,
and I didn't have to address the symptoms of PTSD.
I isolated myself a lot.
You know, really the only interpersonal relationships I had
was with my husband and my girlfriend, and my horse.
Everything that seemed really easy before
now seemed insurmountable.
It's not wanting to
talk about anything personal with your friends.
It's not wanting to call your family at all,
not wanting to walk your dog, go to the gym.
If you really want to get down to the nitty-gritty,
it's not wanting to engage in your marriage,
not being sexually responsive to your partner.
And it was really the impact it was having on my marriage
that caused me to want to go get treatment.
I didn't want to lose the one good thing I had left in my life.
It's hard for me to say where I would be
if I hadn't gone through treatment for PTSD,
but I imagine I would still be in a very dark place.
Struggling in my marriage, no friends to speak of,
and who's to say I would even be sitting here right now
if I didn't get the help I needed.
I may have done something that was
a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I'm not 100 percent sure that I will ever be who I was
prior to those experiences, but I am who I am now,
and I'm living with it.
I take pictures of Veterans.
I particularly like portraits
because it's my way of honoring their service,
and I think having that camaraderie brings us back to
that bond that nobody else can break between military people.
It's a common denominator between us.
We've all served, we've all sacrificed,
and we still care for each other, and we're here for each other.