All those mixed emotions eventually just led me to drink more beer.

Those dates always just kind of come back.

Even if you don't ever, it's weird,

even if you don't ever make an effort to remember that date,

like the day that, on the day of the date,

if I'm brushing my teeth

or doing whatever it'll just hit me out of nowhere.

I'll be like, "Oh, you know, today is the date Diaz died,"

or "This happened today," or "Oh wow, this happened.

Tomorrow is the anniversary."

And they just always come back.

It's like automatic.

The days or weeks leading up to it I won't even think about it

but it's like on the day of, it just hits me.

It just comes to me and I just remember.

At first, on those days usually I would kind of, I don't know,

have a beer for my friend

but then one beer can turn into two or three.

And then next thing you know, I found myself looking

at old pictures from long time ago

and I guess all those mixed emotions eventually just led me

to drink more beer, go to a bar or something like that

or call somebody to come drink with me.

Now like just recently, I've learned to deal with the dates

in the way that I don't take the day off like I used to.

I used to take the day off of work or something like that

or call in sick and just kind of reflect

on that day, remember my friends.

But I also realized as time went on that I should just go on

and live life 'cause if they were alive,

that's what they would do.

So I shouldn't just stop being productive even if it is

for one day 'cause what they, my friends,

would want me to do is to go on.

And it's not like I'm forgetting them.

In fact, it's by actually just living my life on that day

like I would the next day

or the day before is actually probably what they would rather

have me do.